Saturday, 7 July 2012

OK?

Clinically insane, to much chemicals have been pumped into my brain; rotting at the core, still i want more. Everythings fucked, how much of this couldve actually been avoided or ducked, logic overdrive, fuck atleast im stil alive. What a fucking compromise, atleast i didnt get the heart-attact surprise - thats Junkie logic there: atleast i still care? Far fucking gone: well, prove me wrong...
Only happiness is when i dream, complete misery inbetween. Two or three lives to cover: golden boy, junkie and clean and sober lover. All the pieces inbetween, how much hell and misery have i seen. Lived in hell for years, riding me over and over on my deepest fears. Knowing that i need to understand, realising what this commitment of me will demand. Do i have the strenght and power, to make it throught another hour...
See is the only thing i can do; try myself not again to screw. Focus all that i have in me, try and understand what need be. Do i make any fucking sense? All i know is that im fucking tense. Get up and wish this addiction away, once again lucky to see another day. Live for the moment and return to myself or put my ashes in a container on the shelf. You are sooo confused you dumb fuck and you need more than prayers and luck...

'Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.'

Anton Chekhov

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